Anxiety…

To say I’m experiencing a little anxiety would be an understatement. Most of the last few days it has felt to me like I’m 10 again, and Santa is coming this week. But, I’d be l fibbing if I didn’t tell you that I also  go from thrilled to scared to death in a matter of seconds.  You see, on Thursday at 6 AM, the Doc is going to break my water. This is a good thing and I’m so ready. By the time he breaks my water, I will have been dilated to a 7 for nearly 14 days.

 

Why the anxiety then?  Well here are a few things that keep running through my head-

-My plan is to have an epidural free birth (not 100% natural, if I’m in too much pain, I’m game for a little feel good drug or something!) I’m happy about this choice… but then I have a flash back of Kevin’s birth and I think it is an absolutely ridiculous idea, then I remember Julia’s birth and I think, GO FOR IT! But, then I remember Kevin’s all over again.  Regardless, I am going to give it my best shot.

-In 4 days, I will have 3 children. That’s scary!  Can I even do it?

-In 2 days, I will be with my Mommy, if she’s here, then I know I can do it.

-In 12 days, my Mommy will be gone…will I still be able to do it then?

-Julia hasn’t the slightest idea what’s coming her way. Will she cope? Will her “spunky side,” as we so nicely call it, get even worse?

 

-Kevin. The last few weeks he has been in a bit of a funk. Really clingy, nervous, afraid of what the doctor is going to do to me. It hurts my heart. The last week we’ve been talking more about Granny coming and less about baby. Although, anytime we go do anything, bike riding, going to the park, playing outside, he’s very aware of what I do. He doesn’t want me to get hurt or for baby Lacey to get hurt. He is very caring, but he is 3, I wish he wouldn’t worry about me.

-I get to have 4 sets of visitors, most of them will be staying for a week or more. 

-Will my kids be well behaved, as they normally are?  I’m scared because of all the changes that they will be terrible when my Mom is here. I want her to see them at their best since she rarely sees them.

-Cody gets to stay home with us for 11 days straight. Then he works for two weeks, then is home for 14 days, then he’s back to a normal work schedule. I’m so excited. I LOVE when he is home.

-A king sized bed would be a good investment for us. Every morning the kids come crawl in our bed. The bigger they get the squishy-er it gets, but there is no way in hecks name we are kicking them out. Cody and I love our mornings of laughing and talking, and cuddling in bed.

-I must add how great my C-Dawg has been through all of these crazy emotions. He’s so calm, takes things as they come, and very reassuring that he knows I can do it, and that we can do it. He is also very good at reminding me that he loves me. It helps. In fact, it helps a TON!  We spent the day Saturday re-siding the back of our house. It was so nice spending the whole day with him, telling him how scared and how excited I am all at the same time. He was very comforting and reassuring. I love days spent with him.

Despite all of the nervousness, I’m so happy that in our next self-taken-family-portrait, that little Lacey will be sitting on my lap instead of tucked in my belly.

(Do you see how absolutely adorable my little Kevin is, everywhere we go people tell him how much they like his hair! I LOVE IT it too, and that cute smile of his really seals the deal!)

I thought I’d better get one more picture of my ridiculous looking self at 38.5 weeks.

-Our sweet little Julia, really is sweet, Spunky, but sweet. Has taken a sudden liking to all things baby. Here’s to hoping that includes Lacey!

Wish us Luck this week!!!! I think we’ll all need it!